Have you ever had one of those days, weeks or perhaps years where stress just seemed to build and you wondered when it would end or how you could turn things around? I have and this is something I’ve been thinking about writing about for awhile. I’m not a mental health expert and I’m not qualified to give mental health advice but I do know what my experiences have been like and I’d like to share them. The successes. The failures. And the still working on thems.
We hear a lot about mental health and that’s caused me to become a bit jaded about the subject because I’ve perceived (rightly or wrongly) that society approaches mental health as this thing, this blob that’s a one size fits all issue. I think the reason I feel that way is that so much advice related to mental health starts with, “Talk to someone.” I’ve no doubt that talking things out can help…at times…if it’s the right person…and the right situation. But finding the right person and right situation is not easy, especially if you lead a busy life and have responsibilities. Even then, I see talking as a band-aid that you have to keep replacing on a wound and the wound may or may not get better. It should also be recognized that if you’re in a position where you have to talk a lot every day as it is then more talking may not be so helpful.
I don’t think that there’s any kind of ideal when it comes to mental health either. It seems fruitless to me to ever expect that there will be a utopian state in our lives when everything is great and you always feel great. Life involves a series of ups and downs and thinking that you’ve placed all the downs behind you can lead to grave disappointment and, ironically, degrade your mental heatlth. I think so at least. I don’t think that constant happiness or everlasting bliss should be presented as mental health goals to be achieved. They’re unrealistic goals. One of my favorite films, Vanilla Sky by Cameron Crowe, makes the point that the sweet (in life) is not as sweet without the sour. Indeed! Which also reminds me of an episode of my all-time favorite TV show, The Twilight Zone, where a criminal dies and goes to a place where his every wish is granted. Where he’s always a winner and always gets what he wants. The man implores his guardian angel to let him go to the other place. As in the place for the not good people. The twist comes when the guardian angel tells the man, “This is the other place.”
Given all I’ve experienced I’ve developed some coping mechanisms that rely on the efforts of me, myself and I. Because I don’t always have the time, opportunity or desire to talk my life out with other people. The first mechanism involves acceptance of the fact that life will contain ups and downs. Acceptance is such an abstract concept. To me it means feeling settled about things. I used to be the kind of person who thought of many possibilities of a given situation and then ultimately that would lead me to the negative possibilities. Don’t you find that negative possibilities flow more freely from the mind than positive ones? I do! Gradually I’ve shifted my mindset from worrying about a whole range of problems to preparing for the ones that are most likely. The ones I’ve experienced and dealt with before. Because those of the things that are most likely to happen again. It’s said the worrying is like paying in advance a bill that will never come. I believe that’s true.
The second coping mechanism I’ve developed involves headspace. Freeing up time for my brain to relax and to focus on things that take me out of the world. For me things like writing, reading and listening to or playing music do that. It also means avoiding the news, avoiding work and avoiding social media for periods each day. Work, the news and social media usually end up reminding me of things that stress me out. I’ve learned to recognize that there will always be more work to do, there will always be strife in the world and there will always be personal drama to contend with. I choose to ignore these things (as much as I can) deliberately at times so that I can reset my mind and stay on level ground mentally. If I were to sum up these times it would be with the following phrase. The world can wait.
The third, and final, coping mechanism that I’ve developed revolves around a simple concept but one that can be difficult to practice. I take care of myself first before I take care of anyone else. Some might see this as selfish but I don’t think so. It might be selfish if I put a period after myself and ended the sentence there. The idea is the same one that you hear from flight attendants when you’re flying somewhere. They always say, “If the oxygen masks should fall and you are flying with a child then put your mask on first.” The reason for that is that you can’t help anyone else who needs it if YOU are unconscious. That’s why I think you have to place your self care in front of other priorities. To me that means eating right, exercising, limiting alcohol intake, taking time to meditate and engage in creative endeavors and getting good sleep. That’s not to say that those things will take up all of my time. I still have time for work, personal errands, family priorities and helping people. But I’m consciously carving out the time necessary so that I can feel good enough to make everything else possible.
If you are reading this and thinking something like you can’t do some of the things I’ve mentioned because you don’t have the time in your life, then please think again. We all have the same amount of time in each day. I’ve watched people over the years who’ve moved through their days effortlessly and I’ve watched people who’ve struggled to get through every hour. Both types of people have the same amount of time in each day. They just approach the day differently. We all have struggles that make positive changes seem hard. Some more than others obviously. But if you don’t try alternative ways of thinking and being then you’ll never turn your situation around. Start with a few small changes in your day. Set aside ten minutes here and fifteen minutes there. Maybe find thirty minutes a day to sit and eat lunch in peace without consuming news or social media. Once you’ve carved out small moments of peace in your life you may find it much easier for things to change for the better in a much bigger way.
In The Midst Of A Journey 