So many people want to achieve in life, gain wealth and be recognized for their accomplishments but very few ever come close to achieving the ideas that they have in their heads. I think that’s always been the case but recently I’ve pondered the following question. Why, in a time when we have more tools than ever and more access to knowledge than ever, do so few people achieve anywhere near the levels that they aspire to? I believe that the answer to the question is as follows. They believe they can build a mansion with grains of sand.

Now I’m pretty sure that everyone knows that you can’t build a mansion with grains of sand. So why even try? Well, a person might try if they had become convinced that the grains of sand were cinderblocks. From that point of view their efforts wouldn’t seem so foolish. Still, people have been fooled and it’s worth (to me at least) exploring what’s happening and why. The world today is one where people have become accustomed to sharing every little bit of information about their lives. What they’re having for breakfast. What they’re thinking. What they’re doing or where they are at any given moment. These minute things that once were considered pedestrian are now thought to be spectacular events. People expect, or at least hope, to get strong positive reactions to their everyday mundane activities. And for non-mundane activities such as taking a vacation or going to a fancy party people expect great accolades. That kind of attention is addictive and it devalues the pride one used to feel in obscure efforts that eventually lead to fantastic results.

I shall consider this post part philosophy, part conspiracy theory and part madness. Which means don’t take it too seriously but don’t dismiss the contents altogether. My plan is to explore a theme that has been common in my thoughts for many years. The theme is basically that there is a system that’s beyond the control of all of us (save perhaps a precious few masters of the universe) and does its best to keep us as a part of that system in one way or another. Some ways are quite obvious and other ways are quite subtle. Regardless, everyone serves the system in some way. I guess you could say that this theme is inspired by the Alan Watts theory that life is a game.

One example of this system of which I speak can be found in a scene early in the film The Wolf Of Wall Street, which was directed by Martin Scorcese and starring Leonardo DiCaprio. The film is based on the true story of a man from Queens, New York who ruthlessly built a successful stock trading firm outside of Manhattan by teaching his brokers high pressure sales tactics and sometimes engaging in outright illegal practices. In the scene in question a young Jordan Belfort is at his first job on Wall Street and having lunch with his new boss Mr. Hanna, who’s played by Matthey McConaughey. Hanna tells Belfort what his job as a stock broker is really all about. And it’s not about making his clients the most money via stock trades!

Most of life is about taking small steps forward. In fact, I’d argue that a person’s ability to take small steps is more important than their ability to take big ones. And so for most things in life I ascribe to the crawl, walk, run theory. You start be learning the very basics of something. Then you move on to a place where you have enough skill to do it on your own. Finally, if you put in the effort, you might be able to accomplish something extraordinary. I’ve also found that there are times in life where assuming that ever change has to be incremental artificially limits a person. When you truly believe that only small gains are ever possible at a given time then that’s likely to be the reality in your life.

I know that there are many people who fantasize about making significant changes in their lives. I know I have. We seek out game changers. As in an event or accomplishment that will reset our lives. Place us on a new path. Set a new direction. Lead us to a higher purpose or better place. I suppose those of us that long for game changers in our lives are dreamers. We’re people who are striving for something more. I’ve had at least one game changer so far in my life and while that event set me on a future course it’s also made me realize just how hard game changers are to come by. Which is why I’m of the belief that you can’t force a game changer. You have to set the table patiently and be ready to capitalize on an opportunity when it presents itself.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in half a century on this spinning rock it’s that you will be defined more by how you react to the downs in life than how you react to the ups. We all know what to do when things go our way. We celebrate. We relax. We feel good. For a while at least. But what are we supposed to do when things seemingly turn against us? I’d be lying if I said that I celebrated failures or other misfortunes. It is often said that winners celebrate and losers contemplate. Some people believe it’s that contemplation period that turns today’s losers into tomorrow’s winners.

I’ve come to understand that contemplation is a better approach to dealing with negative outcomes than almost any other reaction besides ignoring negative outcomes altogether. Often people fall into the trap of depression and (even worse) self-abuse when things don’t go their way in life. Examples of self-abuse include overeating, consuming alcohol or drugs and withdrawing from their lives. All of these things are forms of giving up on ourselves. I think that giving up in life, even for short periods, is always a shame because there’s almost always more that we can do to add to our own and others lives.

The title of this post is a result of something I’ve heard motiviational speaker Les Brown say during his talks. If you can look up you can get up. What it means is that when times are tough as long as you’re still alive you can bounce back. It’s about not wallowing in your problems and thinking the situations that you’re in are hopeless. Another quote from the motiviational sales trainer Jim Rohn frames the issue perfectly. It goes something like this. What happens to you happens to everyone.

I know that in the past I’ve had a tendency to adopt a defeatist attitude towards situations occuring in my life, basically declaring defeat when things went against me. Sometimes it had to do with relationships Other times it had to do with finances. Other times it had to do with my health. Then there were the unexpected things like a car accident. It’s true that all of the above things happen to everyone. But when you’re invested in a defeatist mindset you think they only happen to you. You think that you’re resigned to a life of misery and misfortune. You’re not. The world is not out to get you…although I know it can certainly feel that way at times!

One of my favorite oft spoken truisms by legendary motivator and sales trainer Jim Rohn goes like this. Some do and some don’t! On its own the phrase is quite ambiguous but in the context of Rohn’s talks the statement makes a lot of sense. Rohn often talked about those little things that make the difference between people who are successful and people who are not. Reading of books (or not) was a typical Rohn example of his some do and some don’t philosophy. Some people read the books that contain a wealth of knowledge about success…and some don’t! Jim used to talk about only 3% of people having a library card where the knowledge of the world was free for all to explore. That was 35-40 years ago of course but even with the internet the same thing goes. Some do and some don’t seek out knowledge.

So are you or aren’t you doing the things that will help you to attain success in the various areas of your life? Your mind. Your health. Your finances. I call these things the three Bs. Brain, body and bank! When Jim Rohn spoke about doing often he did so in terms of the simple things that most people ignore like reading a book (brain), eating an apple a day (body) or prioritizing profits over wages (bank). There are small things that you can do every single day that don’t require much effort that will push you forward in the three Bs and after not too long they will push you ahead of most people. Most people don’t do these things. Why not? For Jim Rohn the issue of why not was never really a concern. His point was always that you should because of the places that it will take you and how it will change you in a positive way. So if you’re not satisfied with the direction of your life I mere ask you to ask yourself the following question. What things can I do to change my situation?

There’s this quote that I remember from the TV show The Sopranos where the main character Tony Soprano (who is the leader of a fictional mafia family in Northern New Jersey) states something to the effect of the following. “More is lost by indecision than wrong decision.” The fictional Tony Soprano character is far from the only person to opine on the timeliness of decisions. The philosophical entertainer Alan Watts has spoken at length about the dangers of attempting to parse each and every nugget of information possible prior to making a decision on something important. The point of both examples above is that when considering a life decision there comes a time when waiting to parse more information just isn’t worth it. I’ll add a final statement to this initial thought, which comes from the late Apple co-founder Steve Jobs who once supposedly stated the following. “Artists ship.” To me what Steve Jobs was saying there was that people need to be oriented towards delivering on their goals more than they need to be oriented towards researching and refining their goals.

The question of waiting vs. executing on an idea or a plan is one that has come up many times in my life. It’s been an issue regarding major life events related to relationships, money, health and even creative efforts such as writing. I have found that my approach to handling such things has changed over time. When I was a young adult in my late teens to late twenties I tended to develop ideas then act on them relatively quickly (like within a year). During my thirties to mid-forties I tended to give more consideration to ideas and goals. I think this change was largely driven by the fact that after I started a family there was a lot more at stake with each decision I made. That was not the case during earlier years when any negative outcomes would affect only me. Now as I have moved beyond my forties I find the pendulum swinging back towards shorter periods of contemplation, but periods that are still longer than the ones in my twenties. So what’s changed?