If there’s one thing that I’ve learned over the course of half a century it’s that how we use our time, intellect and energy greatly impacts our ability to get what we want out of life. Spending inordinate amounts of time on low value activities is basically a waste of time because it’s a misuse of our resources of time, intellect and energy. Low value activities include common distractions such as watching the news, scrolling through social media updates and binge watching TV shows. Of course we will always make some time for these activities but often people get too absorbed in them because they are easy, and give us the feeling of doing something without actually having to challenge ourselves. To put it another way I believe that most people spend way too much time, intellect and energy on things that won’t help them to make a major difference in their lives. How often in our lives have we heard the phrase, “What difference does it make?” Indeed. When doing just about anything we should be asking ourselves that question!
Continue reading “The One Thing”Perfection Is Costly
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend who’s been working on launching a website for what seems like forever. We’ve talked numerous times about the site and he has serious ambitions for what he’ll be able to achieve with the site. In fact, we’ve talked about it so many times over the past couple of years that I’m constantly asking him exactly when the site will be launched. Every time we talk his answer to that question is essentially the same. It’ll be launched once he can get just one or two more features exactly how he wants them. His idea is a wonderful one and I truly support what he wants to do but I also do believe that his insistence that every aspect of the site work perfectly as he envisions it is severely hurting his chances of ever getting the venture off the ground. With each feature added there are always multiple complications, many issues to be resolved, and since he’s working with outside help to build the site this often means months of additional effort. As a result, his idea remains just an idea and he’s not able to get the valuable feedback that he would gain if the idea was already unveiled to the world.
Continue reading “Perfection Is Costly”You Won’t Find It Outside Of You
Peace and happiness are paramount to leading a fulfilling life, and often we seek to find both of these things outside of us. We may seek out peace and happiness via work, relationships, exercise, substances, hobbies, travel and more. In fact, we often do. The truth that I keep coming back to is that while the aforementioned exploits are vehicles that may facilitate peace and happiness ultimately the feelings must arise from within. Because as much as meals, drinks, workouts, dates, flights and other diversions can help to keep good feelings on track they still only take up a fraction of our time. Feeling good and happy in the remaining time is often a challenge for active people.
Peace Amidst Turmoil
The easiest thing to do when everyone is hot about something (which people always are) is to join in and show your support. As a result you get hot too. Which means you voluntarily relinquish your peacefulness in favor of the needs of others. As they say, misery loves company! While joining the fray often seems like the thing to do it’s also what everyone who is not at peace wants from you. I assure you that their motives are not pure and that the results of your joining in will be costly in terms of your emotional well being.
Continue reading “Peace Amidst Turmoil”Know What You Love And Do It
I have found that one of the quickest ways to level things out and promote inner peace is to do something that I love to do. Of course, first I have to know what I love to do and thankfully I do! Some things I love to do include:
- going to live music shows,
- having a good workout,
- drinking a hot cup of coffee,
- walking in a park on a nice day, and
- walking the streets capturing photos and video.
Life’s Most Important Questions
If you want to achieve inner peace you must be able to answer these two questions.
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What kind of life do I want to have?
Without the answers to these questions we have no aim and thus we are aimless. When we’re aimless we have no direction and having direction is something that supports inner peace because direction also creates the possibility of certainty. When we have certainty we can have inner peace. Conversely, uncertainty is the enemy of inner peace. A life without direction is a life of uncertainty and a life where inner peace is difficult to achieve for any sustained period of time.
Continue reading “Life’s Most Important Questions”Affix Your Oxygen Mask First
If you’ve ever taken a commercial airplane flight you have heard the announcement where the flight attendants inform passengers that if they are traveling with children and the oxygen masks fall from the cabin ceiling then adults should affix their oxygen masks before they try to put them on the children. The reason for that is so that the adults can be sure that they won’t pass out from lack of oxygen, which will allow the adult to better assist the child. Over time I have found that the overall message in these instructions is one that applies to managing relationships in your life. You must be in a secure place in your life in order to be in a position to assist others. Still, so often in our own lives we seek to be the healer/fixer for others while we still have untended issues to address in our own lives.
Through introspection I understand how I have been assumed the role of the healer/fixer in relationships in my life. That awareness has allowed me to recognize how often others act in the role of healer/fixer, particularly in romantic relationships. The healer/fixer role in a romantic relationship adds a second level of intoxication to the already intoxicating feeling of being in a new romantic relationship. The feelings are driven by the knowledge that you’re in the drivers seat, directing activities and exerting control. While these actions aren’t inherently negative they create a false scenario that is ultimately unsustainable. Rather than address our own issues and shortcomings outside of the relationship when we’re the healer/fixer we get caught up in this role and take on an air of superiority, forgetting the things that we need to work on in our own lives. We also tend to become blinded to the reality we quickly turn from romantic partner to more of a life coach (and an unqualified one at that) and task master which is hardly romantic.
Continue reading “Affix Your Oxygen Mask First”Inner Peace In A Social Media World
Here is an important question. Is it possible to achieve inner peace in a world that is now dominated by social media? At the present time Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the top three social platforms in the United States with billions of people around the world taking part. In fact, in the U.S. it’s hard to find an adult that’s not on at least one of those platforms although many are on multiple platforms. In addition many people are also on multiple online dating platforms that are basically niche social platforms.
One hallmark of social networks is the tendency for information to be pushed to you at any given time. So much information is being shared on these sites that there can be a constant flow of information pushed to your smart phone, email, computer and tablet. In short, you can’t miss any update. So much information coming at you makes it difficult to ignore what’s happening out there on the internet. It can be like someone knocking at your door or calling you on the phone multiple times every hour of the day. In today’s social media world intrusion and distraction are the norm.
Continue reading “Inner Peace In A Social Media World”Resetting Yourself
Every so often we get out of balance and a reset is necessary. The need for a reset manifests itself in many different forms which include: blowing up in anger, abusing alcohol or drugs, depression, overspending money and abusing yourself or others. Often in these times people get the urge to judge themselves, but that doesn’t help the situation. We all fall down and the quicker we get up the better.
The way that you recover from life imbalances is you take actions that are proven to rebalance (reset) your being such that you feel a meaningful level of inner peace. The key to all of these actions is that they involve you and you alone! You are responsible for your inner peace and only you can restore yourself to a comfortable level of inner peace. I will expand on these ideas in other posts but for now please consider the following remedies.
Continue reading “Resetting Yourself”Happiness And Other People
Relying on other people for your happiness is tricky business. It’s something that everyone does without first realizing that if you rely on the actions of other people to make you happy you will spend much of your life sad. In some cases people will deliberately do things to make you sad and in other cases people will simply do what’s best for themselves contrary to your expectations. Either way you will be very sad.
Regardless of the actions of other people we can be happy. The problem is that we really aren’t taught about that when we’re young. The experiences of our youth shape who we are as adults. Society sees it as more desirable to have many friends rather than few (or no) friends. The big family or group of friends that spend a lot time together has been a popular storyline on TV and in movies for many years. Hence, we grow up believing that happiness is a function of maintaining various relationships. But it’s not true.
Continue reading “Happiness And Other People”
In The Midst Of A Journey 
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