In the midst of the holiday season thoughts of gifts are in the air. Gifts we’d like to give to others and gifts we’d like to receive from others. But let’s not forget about the gifts that we can, and should, give to ourselves. I’m not speaking of physical gifts, although there’s always something we feel like we could use. I’m talking about the intangible things and those intangible things are some of the most important in terms of quality of life and happiness. I think that most of us feel a bit selfish when we start thinking about ourselves and not wanting to feel selfish we often fight that urge. It’s not selfish at all though to consider how may treat ourselves to something that will improve the quality of our lives.

Some of you may have heard of a book called Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff written by Richard Carlson. The premise of the book is a very simple one but following the premise is decidedly difficult for most people. For whatever reason we humans tend to get all wrapped up in the little things in our lives (the small stuff) that in the long run don’t make much of a difference. Yet we tend to obsess over them. And that obsession is costly in that we lose focus with regard to the big picture things that truly make a difference in our lives. I’ve tread over this ground before on a post made nearly three years ago titled The One Thing. Recent events, such as having to deal with two hurricanes in Florida, had me thinking once again about the value of staying focused on the big stuff, the stuff that really matters, instead of obsessing over the little things that in the long run don’t make much of a difference in my life.

What is fascinating to me is how dealing with two hurricanes within two weeks of each other reset my mindset to the point where the numerous small worries that I had been dedicating energy to prior to the storms were completely forgotten. After the storms passed the issues were still there but in my mind their importance was practically eliminated. My attitude on these things went from worrying about how to handle the issues to realizing that they’re not such a big deal. For example, I’d been worrying about the age of my car (over 17 years) and whether or not I should upgrade the vehicle. The fact is that my car runs fine and keeping it has been a factor in helping me to build wealth over the years since I haven’t invested in a car payment. Then the storms came and I was so glad that I had a car that ran well and had a full tank of gas so I could evacuate. Then after the storms I was so glad to have a car that didn’t get flooded out like some many people’s cars did. I honestly don’t know why I was fretting over the vehicle in the first place. But I was for sure. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to flip that same switch in our minds without needed to massive hurricanes to affect the change?

So many people want to achieve in life, gain wealth and be recognized for their accomplishments but very few ever come close to achieving the ideas that they have in their heads. I think that’s always been the case but recently I’ve pondered the following question. Why, in a time when we have more tools than ever and more access to knowledge than ever, do so few people achieve anywhere near the levels that they aspire to? I believe that the answer to the question is as follows. They believe they can build a mansion with grains of sand.

Now I’m pretty sure that everyone knows that you can’t build a mansion with grains of sand. So why even try? Well, a person might try if they had become convinced that the grains of sand were cinderblocks. From that point of view their efforts wouldn’t seem so foolish. Still, people have been fooled and it’s worth (to me at least) exploring what’s happening and why. The world today is one where people have become accustomed to sharing every little bit of information about their lives. What they’re having for breakfast. What they’re thinking. What they’re doing or where they are at any given moment. These minute things that once were considered pedestrian are now thought to be spectacular events. People expect, or at least hope, to get strong positive reactions to their everyday mundane activities. And for non-mundane activities such as taking a vacation or going to a fancy party people expect great accolades. That kind of attention is addictive and it devalues the pride one used to feel in obscure efforts that eventually lead to fantastic results.

I shall consider this post part philosophy, part conspiracy theory and part madness. Which means don’t take it too seriously but don’t dismiss the contents altogether. My plan is to explore a theme that has been common in my thoughts for many years. The theme is basically that there is a system that’s beyond the control of all of us (save perhaps a precious few masters of the universe) and does its best to keep us as a part of that system in one way or another. Some ways are quite obvious and other ways are quite subtle. Regardless, everyone serves the system in some way. I guess you could say that this theme is inspired by the Alan Watts theory that life is a game.

One example of this system of which I speak can be found in a scene early in the film The Wolf Of Wall Street, which was directed by Martin Scorcese and starring Leonardo DiCaprio. The film is based on the true story of a man from Queens, New York who ruthlessly built a successful stock trading firm outside of Manhattan by teaching his brokers high pressure sales tactics and sometimes engaging in outright illegal practices. In the scene in question a young Jordan Belfort is at his first job on Wall Street and having lunch with his new boss Mr. Hanna, who’s played by Matthey McConaughey. Hanna tells Belfort what his job as a stock broker is really all about. And it’s not about making his clients the most money via stock trades!

Most of life is about taking small steps forward. In fact, I’d argue that a person’s ability to take small steps is more important than their ability to take big ones. And so for most things in life I ascribe to the crawl, walk, run theory. You start be learning the very basics of something. Then you move on to a place where you have enough skill to do it on your own. Finally, if you put in the effort, you might be able to accomplish something extraordinary. I’ve also found that there are times in life where assuming that ever change has to be incremental artificially limits a person. When you truly believe that only small gains are ever possible at a given time then that’s likely to be the reality in your life.

I know that there are many people who fantasize about making significant changes in their lives. I know I have. We seek out game changers. As in an event or accomplishment that will reset our lives. Place us on a new path. Set a new direction. Lead us to a higher purpose or better place. I suppose those of us that long for game changers in our lives are dreamers. We’re people who are striving for something more. I’ve had at least one game changer so far in my life and while that event set me on a future course it’s also made me realize just how hard game changers are to come by. Which is why I’m of the belief that you can’t force a game changer. You have to set the table patiently and be ready to capitalize on an opportunity when it presents itself.